Walking Away from True Love?

I recently delved into the world of pendulum work and, during a casual session, discovered who the love of my life supposedly was. It didn't come to me as a shock as I already had a huge crush on this person, but it did bring confusion and chaos. This person had played a significant role in my life as a professional teacher and guide. I emphasize "professional" because this beautiful soul did nothing wrong here. The chaos that ensued was purely my own doing. This amazing person was like the Hierophant in my life—wise, spiritual, and embodying qualities I longed for in a life partner.

In my humble opinion, this person embodies all the Kings of the court. Like the King of Cups, they possess a deep emotional intelligence and compassion, always providing a calming presence in times of turmoil. They mirror the King of Swords with their sharp intellect and clear, rational thinking, guiding me with wisdom and fairness. Their inspiring leadership and boldness are akin to the King of Wands, always igniting a spark of motivation within me. Lastly, they embody the King of Pentacles with their grounded nature, practical advice, and unwavering support, making me feel secure and valued. I bullshit you not they are truly a one of a kind person.

I recall when first meeting them, I had asked for tarot tutoring, and the very first card they drew from the deck was the Lovers. I remember a fleeting thought then, wondering if this was my sign from the Source that I had found the one, but thought it a little ridiculous considering they were married. Now that memory only brings added confusion and chaos to my already three of hearts world.

But then the pendulum swung, and I found myself in the Ten of Swords. This amazing person was going through their own trials and had made certain decisions, akin to embracing the Hermit, choosing to walk their path alone. While I already knew this about them, it became painfully clear when I, like the Fool, naively revealed my pendulum exercise to them. When I asked if I should walk away, they agreed. So, I’m walking away, much like the Hanged Man, surrendering to the situation. That’s what you do, right? If you love someone, you let them go. And so I do, but yet I can't fully detach. I crave so badly to learn more from this person, akin to the insatiable curiosity of the Page of Swords.

Unfortunately, I walked away right into the arms of Death and the Devil. It's time to balance my shadow and transform, much like the Temperance card. The fact is, I’m not worthy of this person even if the timing were different. I’m not someone they deserve to have, especially after all they have been through. My life is in chaos and turmoil due to my own stupid actions. I have nothing to offer. True love or not, in any relationship it should always be a balance of give and take. I am currently depleted of everything including myself. What kind of lover would I be to hand someone like them such a messed up life like mine is now?

Part of me is filled with doubt, symbolized by the Moon. If it were truly the Two of Cups, I feel they would realize it despite whatever situation they are going through. But the pendulum is never wrong. How do I stay away from someone I have longed for all my life?

I have no choice, though. The Wheel of Fortune in the 10th position has informed me that fate has already dealt the cards. It’s time to embrace my journey, trusting Spirit will guide me towards healing and understanding.

As I walk away, I find solace in the symbolism of the Death card. It marks the end of this chapter, but also the beginning of transformation. Through this painful process, I will shed my old self, confront my shadows, and emerge as something healed and better.

Yet, both the Death and Devil cards continue to stalk me, reminding me of the chains that still bind me—my fears, my addictions, and my unhealthy attachments. This journey isn't just about endings; it's about facing these darker aspects of myself head-on. By acknowledging the power the Devil holds over me, I can begin to break free from these destructive patterns. But how long will that take? Have my recent actions caused nothing but further and further delay towards what I have always wanted? Temperance is my friend but yet my worst enemy.

This journey is not the end, but a necessary transition towards a brighter, more balanced future. Embracing the lessons of both the Death and Devil cards, I will transform, releasing what no longer serves me and stepping into a place of empowerment and healing.

Maybe then the timing will be right. Then again, I don't know, for fate has already decided the outcome and only the Divine knows what that means.